You should eat something!

So I’ve mentioned before this is a post I wanted to write and share as its something that’s affected me pretty much my whole life. What I want to discuss is how people think it’s ok to comment on ‘smaller/underweight’ girls but we all know the thin line you don’t cross with larger/overweight girls. So why is it any different?

The most common phrase I used to get is ‘wow you’re so skinny’. Even my best friends would say it to me. Family members, work colleagues, not to mention strangers I’ve only just met? I mean honestly – who actually mentions someone’s weight to them the first time you ever meet them? Most of my friends will always say “oh I only say it because I’m jealous” but do you think it sounds like that or comes across that way? People need to think more what words and phrases they use. Some women have the most beautiful curves and are much bigger body frame size to me as I am pretty small anyway – I’m so envious. Now personally I would say something like “your figure and curves are amazing” but if I worded it the same way other people do with small people it would be more like “wow you’re much bigger than me” or “you’re so curvy” which some women feel is a polite way to say ‘larger’. I don’t even like that word ….. Larger. Larger than who??? But how do you write this type of post?

Its simple things for example. Car rides – “Put Jess in the middle, she’s the skinniest” “She can sit in the boot bit she’s the skinniest”. Eating out – “Are you going to be able to eat all that?” “You shouldn’t really leave any food you can’t afford to” “take some of Jess’ she won’t eat it all”. Clothes Shopping – “I bet you could fit children’s clothes” “I don’t think they do your size in here though”. Gym – “Woah should you be working out, you may lose yourself?” ”what’s the point of working out when you’re so skinny?” “You should avoid the cardio so as not to sweat too much”. General – “You have no bum” “Your boobs are small” “look how skinny your wrists are” “do you find it hard buying clothes your size?” These are just some things I’ve heard over and over and over again in my life. Oh and if someone tells me one more time I should eat a burger, I going to buy one and shove it in their face. If I said to one of my ‘larger’ friends “you should really have a protein shake” do you think she would be my friend much longer? Do you not think it would really hurt her feelings? Then why the hell is it not the same on the opposite end of the scale?

Growing up I went through a lot of different emotions and situations in my life before 18. My Grandparents died 5 years apart who the family was super close to and that was the start to a catastrophic few years of my life – not to mention my Mum’s. My Mum and Dad had….not such a clean divorce as it could have been when I was 12 years old. Being a Daddy’s girl, when he left it broke me in a million pieces. I misbehaved and my Mother and I fought like Commandos at war. I even started bunking school everyday after i got beaten up in the school playground and got bullied for about a year at school. I was so stressed and anxious, so uptight and angry at the whole world and the first thing that took impact was my weight. As you can imagine this just gave people and bullies more ammo. I hated myself. When I’m stressed I lose my appetite. It’s a horrible thing. Back then I wouldn’t care that I had and if I didn’t want to eat I wouldn’t. I lost so much weight it was ridiculous and nearly on the chart for anorexia but not because I was starving myself. I must add that as I have had some pretty insulting comments thrown my way from some people about my weight and why I’m this size which to me is actually really ignorant. Now the reason I’m telling you this is because my weight loss and issues were all due to the level of anxiety I suffer, family problems and real insecurity issues of myself. Now a stranger doesn’t know any of this about me yet they still think the first thing to say to me is about my weight and how skinny I look? Do they not realise that their constant comments can act as a trigger?

A few years ago I had a miscarriage which was easily the hardest thing I’ve been through myself. I then had a nasty person in my life at that exact point in time – gone now thank god – but they were there to basically shit all over me when I was at one of my lowest points in my life. All they did was comment on my weight, tell me I’m unhealthy, that I starve myself, I shouldn’t be around children because I’m a bad example of a diet – I’m not shitting you, these things were said to me, just when I lost my own child!! Can you imagine my face? Not that these things were said to me, just that someone could even say such insulting ridiculous things?! – This person knew nothing about my life, why my weight was this weight and what the awful comments could have done to me. In actual fact it did the opposite and I’m grateful for that experience in my life. It made me realise that even when I say things to people I should think what I say beforehand and never ever use someone’s weight as insult as its one of the hardest things to get over for females and hey I hold my hands up to saying things in the past before but this person taught me a lesson. Yeah it defeated me for a couple of weeks, I was very depressed and my relationship with Tim nearly suffered as there was nothing he could do to make me feel better. My weight spiralled down. People were staring at me as I walked past as I was so skinny. My legs were like bean poles and I could hear people’s comments as they walked past. I stopped going out because it became unbearable. But I had to pick myself up and not let that be my final point of defeat.

The last 3 years I’ve become a fitness junkie. I work out 5 days a week. I jog 3 times if I can. I’ve put on over a stone with a regular healthy diet and have gone up a dress size and a half. I’m for the first time in 26 years really happy with my weight. People don’t say ‘wow your skinny’ any more to me, they ask me my secret! Sure I still get the odd comment as I am naturally petite but I like to educate those people now with body etiquettes. That perhaps what theyve said is slightly offensive. What it’s made me appreciate is that we are all different in every single way and were all beautiful. Who are we to judge each other on body image?

I am a bit embarrassed to put these pictures up below, but i want you to see i was skinny, very skinny, but did that make it OK for people to comment on this daily? No. Do you not think i have a mirror? That i didn’t know what size clothes i was wearing. Yes i was skinny but if you see someone quite literally opposite to me in that picture, chances are people are more polite and say nothing about their weight!

3 years ago when i lost my weight again.

19lbs heavier – I have leg muscle!! 🙂

There is no perfect weight and while a few years ago everyone wanted to be size 0, now the latest craze is small waist, big thighs etc, yet it will all change again as that’s media influences for you. That’s women putting pressure on themselves to look a certain way and if you don’t well you’re not normal. That view is so wrong and what an ignorant world we would live in if every single female felt and behaved like that. I think everyone needs to remember we are all unique and how boring it would be if we were all the same. I dread the thought of bringing a daughter into this world and her worrying about something like her weight all her life because that’s all this society goes on about. I think it’s time females started to empower each other more rather than compete against one another. The world would be filled with so much more love and happiness. Next time you go to tell someone they’re so very skinny, even if you genuinely are envious of their body, just stop and have a think how that sounds and what it would come across like on the opposite side. Use nicer words and if its a compliment make it sound like one. The female body is a beautiful thing no matter what shape or size.

 

Jessica X

I asked my Dad to check this post as he is the grammar king but i had to add what he said as he’s confirmed its missing and to be honest its the nicest thing i’ve ever been told. When it comes from one of your heroes….heart melt!